I looked at the image on the LCD screen of my camera. My heart skipped a beat. My son continued kicking soccer balls into the goal and I paused, just staring at him. I’ve taken hundreds of photos of him playing soccer. All his life. From when he bumbled around the field in a huddle with all the other preschoolers, to now. His high school years. Photographing the teenagers.

It’s different. In this photo he no longer looked like a boy. He looked like a man.

Even in the small image on my LCD screen I could see his power. The way his body curved through years of muscle memory, aiming the kick straight into the corner.

“It’s the hardest spot for the goalie to reach,” he beamed back at me. I put my camera down and he taught me some moves. I couldn’t do them, but the sun shined on us, and the little kids played on the other side of the field, and I said to him, “You know, you’re old enough to coach them now.”

He seemed as surprised about that as I was when I saw the image on my LCD screen moments before. The teenage years move fast. Your kids change fast. Grow fast. Just a year after becoming a teen your child will be in high school. Experiencing all those milestone moments. But it’s a time when most parents put away their cameras and try instead to sneak cell phone snaps when their kids aren’t looking. As parents we still want the photos. As teens, not so much. But it can be done, and with two teenagers in my own house right now, my photos of these years are some of my most treasured.

They’re both a glimpse into the past as I remember all the weekends we’ve sat on the sidelines at soccer games, and a thrilling look into the future as my son’s skills develop at lightning speed. The boys on his team, the young men, call to each other. Confident in their positions. They’ve worked hard to get to this point and it’s worth it to document these days.

For my teenage daughter and me, our photo journey has brought us the gift of shared creation. She’s old enough to help envision the story of a photo. She loves the thrift-store finds I come home with as unique pieces she can add to her wardrobe. She’s come with me, working as my assistant when I was a family portrait photographer. Photographs are a creative journey we share, a time to bond and talk, just the two of us.

And she has a lot to say.

Whether we’re driving to a location or talking about her excitement at picking up a new sport like figure skating, having time with her to talk without other distractions is wonderful.

Looking at photographing your teen as a way to just be with them, to just be there and listen and learn what’s important to them at this time in their lives, is such a healthy thing. It strengthens your bond and lets your teen know you’re interested in them. For our family, photos of these teenage years have become a shared treasure. A chance for me to say, “Hey, I appreciate this skill you have, this talent you have, this way you see the world.”

But it wasn’t always like this.

It can be hard for a teenager to want to be in photos. They’re so aware of how they look and what their friends will think. They need to have some control over the photos, but they also need to hear and learn that respecting this process means so much to you, as their parent. It’s a lot of give and take. Asking for their time to capture an image, even if it’s something they love doing like artwork, hiking, playing on their phone—means you need to give your time too. Stay with them, after the photo, and engage in whatever your teen is doing. Maybe that means you need to learn a new soccer move or watch a round of their video game. It can be anything, but they need to see you giving too.

I read an article once when my kids were little that said, “If you don’t listen to the silly things your kids want to tell you now, they won’t want to share the serious things when they grow.”

As parents, we like to be listened to. And of course, so do our kids.

If you’re photographing a teenager who isn’t your son or daughter, just a few moments of getting to know them at their session can yield huge results in terms of successful photos. This might sound obvious. And there’s already a lot to think about when photographing teenagers. Posing is a whole new ball game, compared to little kids who can be tossed into the air and scooped into arms. Posing teenagers can be daunting. But if they’ve come to your photo session, that’s half the battle. When I pose teens, I talk non-stop. Not about the posing, but about their lives. Teenagers are busy people!

And people who are busy sometimes have a hard time slowing down for photos. To take their minds off the fact that their cell phones are silently vibrating, or they’re wearing clothes they may not have picked out, we chat. The silliest joke can take you yards toward the end zone of capturing the images you want.

When I photographed these teenage brothers, I asked them, “How does a bee get to school?” Then I drawled out, “On the school bzzzzz.” They hated it! And I loved their groans. We started talking about which one of them drives the others to school and the challenge of finding parking. The pressure of the photo was gone, and they were free to hang out in these amazing poses.

Getting in front of the camera yourself, with your teenager, can create jaw-dropping moments of love. You won’t be holding them in your arms or helping with their shoes. But you’ll be together. Sharing a moment in time and space no one can take away. Those moments grow more precious in direct proportion to your child’s age.

This mom gave her teenage daughter her full attention in this frame, and it shows. Look at the joy on their faces.

Here, my daughter and I laughed in the kitchen as we talked about how proud I am that she and her brother can make dinner on their own now. You may feel all these things, and deeply. The love, the pride, the joy of seeing your teen master a new skill. But setting aside time to take a photo with your teenager and actually tell them, out loud, how great you think they are—they need to hear that sometimes even more than you know.

My son will be driving soon, and in the cold night air as I snapped this photo of him with my husband, I had another one of those shocking moments as I looked at the image on my camera’s LCD screen. This milestone. It’s here. Like a phone ringing in the background all these years, the sound grew louder and louder until suddenly we had to answer it and hand over the keys.

Learn more about getting in the frame by yourself and with your kids, in Pieces of Me!

Teenagers are pretty incredible. They can really step up to the plate and deliver, even coming up with their own ideas for the direction of the photo. Especially if they know this is something that matters to you. And even more so, if they know what matters to you most, is them.

For more inspiration, follow Melissa on Instagram!